Body Snatcher
by Queen Kat
Summary: Sesshoumaru thought he had the perfect plan to steal Tetsusaiga... but now he's trapped in Inu-Yasha's body! And his only chance to get back depends on his mangy half-breed brother... FINISHED WITH SHOUT OUTS ADDED!
1. Fox Fur and Trade Secrets

Body Snatcher  
  
By Queen Kat the NekoHime  
  
Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I no own, so you no sue. I know, I know, but disclaimers and Naraku are my present pet hates. Deal with it. :-P  
  
Author's note: Ookay. This is my first Inu fic ever – scrap that, my first fanfiction ever, period – so please be gentle on the reviews. This one's for my bestest buddy ever, Atomic Peanut, who didn't believe I could write it. Score: Kat one, A.P. zip!  
  
O ya, if anyone out there knows where I can get Inu-Yasha fansubs past Episode 22, TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME onegaaaiiiiiii!!!! (On the way to rabid fangirldom already…eheh) They will be used for inspiration, as will comments, criticism and flames, yes, those wonderful ol' toasty flames, my everlasting inspiration for Inu's potty mouth. Send all C&C, fansub site addys and death threats to the_slaiyer@hotmail.com (but reviews onegai, they are one of the fanfic writer's few perks in life).  
  
Enough babbling! On with the fic!  
  
1 Body Snatcher  
  
The monstrous demon loomed over Sesshoumaru like an infuriated, rabid mountain, roaring loud enough to shake the surrounding forest. It was a beast straight out of the land of nightmares, its wide-open mouth revealing fangs dripping slime and ichor as its huge, clawed limbs closed around the intruder, ready to grind him into the dust beneath its feet. It was a sight to make any normal person – or demon - in the Sengoku Jidai either run for their lives or die from sheer terror on the spot.  
  
The notoriously unflappable dog-demon lord, however, did neither. He merely yawned, his doglike tongue curling back over rows of even, white teeth, and flicked a microscopic speck of dust off his otherwise immaculate kimono before fixing a piercing gaze on the youkai confronting him. Bewildered by his stare, the youkai stumbled back an inch, trying to come to grips with the situation. His gaze held nothing of fear, merely a cool, scientific curiosity and just a hint of boredom, a foreign concept compared to the mind-numbing terror this youkai usually inspired.  
  
Having tentatively identified the feminine-looking youkai as 'bloody idiot' and therefore 'food', the youkai roared yet again and leapt at Sesshoumaru, who did not even blink as it flew through the air towards him, its insectoid eyes glowing red, its claws dripping venom, and, at its very end, a furiously swishing, small, furry…  
  
Fox-tail?  
  
With demonic speed, Sesshoumaru dodged the attack and grabbed the tail, up- ending the youkai. There was a 'Kyaaa!!!' and the monster dissipated, leaving a short, disheveled and very terrified kitsune youkai who was currently hanging upside down by his tail.  
  
"Don'tkillmedon'tkillmepleasedon'tkillmepleasedon't..." the hysterical demon babbled, trailing off as Sesshoumaru slowly lifted him to eye level. Emotionless, sickly yellow eyes gazed into terrified blue ones as the kitsune hung suspended in mid-air for countless seconds.  
  
Finally, as the silence became unbearable, Sesshoumaru spoke.  
  
'Tell me, kitsune,' he said calmly. 'Do you know who I am?'  
  
'No,' the kitsune replied promptly. The grip on his tail tightened and there was a sudden, perceptible drop in temperature. Oh, shit...wrong answer.  
  
'Have you heard, perhaps, of the Great Demon of the Western Lands, Sesshoumaru-sama?' inquired the dog-demon, his tone as conversational as before, but accompanied by a death grip on the fox's tail that said clearer than words could express: you answer or you die. Painfully.  
  
The demon's eyes widened as he made the connection. Oh, shit...The most psychotic, vicious demon in all of Nihon is holding me upside-down by my tail! He suppressed a hysterical giggle. This is definitely not my day...  
  
'Since I see by your face that you recognize me,' said Sesshoumaru, his tone not varying a note, 'I assume you also know what I am seeking?'  
  
'Y-yes, Sesshoumaru-sama.'  
  
It is impossible to grovel properly upside-down in mid-air, but the demon attempted it anyway. Sesshoumaru sneered. So much for the mighty demon terror stalking these lands…he is no more powerful than a wretched human!  
  
'Give it to me.'  
  
'B-but my lord! I cannot! It is the greatest of the kitsune magics!'  
  
'Give it to me!' For the first time, an undercurrent of anger was present in the dog-demon's tone. How dared this puny weakling defy him? His fur bristled and his eyes flickered red for an instant.  
  
'B-b-b-but…'  
  
A glance at the gibbering kitsune was enough to calm Sesshoumaru down. Much as he loathed to admit it, he needed him – at least until he had fulfilled his purpose.  
  
'I know that you possess it,' he said, his voice once more cold and calm, 'and also that you alone can open it. Hand it over and I may spare your life.'  
  
'I c-cannot, Sesshoumaru-sama. It may only be opened to save the life of a kitsune demon! The seal will not open for a lesser purpose!'  
  
'Mmm…'mused Sesshoumaru, idly tapping his chin with a claw. 'But your life is in danger now, is it not?' He held his claws inches from the kitsune's face, glinting like steel knives.  
  
The kitsune uttered a terrified squeak, which to the dog-demon read: Yes, it definitely is.  
  
'Since that is the case,' he said, removing his claws to the relief of the kitsune 'the seal should accept you, ne?' He set the demon down on the ground, but kept a grip on his shoulder.  
  
The kitsune nodded mutely and rummaged in the folds of his shirt until he finally produced a small golden ball, about the size of a walnut. Setting it on the ground, he muttered a few words under his breath before stepping back.  
  
The golden sphere suddenly glowed with power, expanding until it was almost half a metre high. A bright light shone from it as it began to crack in half, too bright for either demon to look at it. When it finally faded, an ancient, worn scroll sat in the two halves of the opened sphere.  
  
Sesshoumaru picked up the scroll with his free hand and examined it briefly. He nodded in confirmation and placed it within the folds of his own kimono.  
  
'For aiding me,' he told the kitsune, 'I thank you.' The demon looked up in sudden hope. 'But,' he added, 'for your insolence...you shall die.' He brought his hand up and slashed it across the fox's face.  
  
The youkai didn't even have time to scream.  
  
*********  
  
'Wai, wai! Sesshoumaru-sama! Rin loves the winter!'  
  
Sesshoumaru did not dignify this statement with a reply.  
  
Jaken, struggling ahead forging a path through the knee-deep snowdrifts, muttered under his breath that the human girl would probably enjoy winter a lot less if she was the one in front. He shivered, goosebumps the size of eggs popping up on his green, warty skin, and cast envious glances at the warm coat of fox fur the girl was wearing. In fact – he squinted at it – it was fox-demon fur, no less.  
  
'Sesshoumaru-sama?' he asked, stopping momentarily.  
  
'Nani?'  
  
'Why did you give such strong protection to a mortal girl?' he asked. 'I have been your faithful servant for many years, why did you give this kitsune fur to a weak, worthless hu-'  
  
Sesshoumaru backhanded him into a snowdrift. 'Do not dare to question me, Jaken,' he said. 'I shall do as I please with my kills.'  
  
'…' Jaken struggled out of the snowdrift and hurried to catch up with his master, mumbling youkai curses under his breath.  
  
Sesshoumaru touched the scroll in the folds of his kimono. Soon, the time will come to use this…and I will finally be the master of Tetsusaiga!  
  
A smirk touched his face as he considered the many painful ways he could kill his half-brother when Tetsusaiga finally accepted him, while Rin danced around him singing happy songs and throwing snowballs at a grumpy, blue-faced Jaken.  
  
Okay! So tell me, how bad was it, really? I forgot to say this earlier, but anyways…this story runs more or less along the lines of the anime, with one slight exception: Sess's arm wasn't completely cut off and healed eventually (Why? Because I, the almighty Author of this fic, have decreed that it shall be so! Mwahahaha!!!). So his encounter with Naraku was slightly different! The fic is slightly AU because of this…or maybe it just has a major plothole, you decide.  
  
Gomen if any of the characters are OOC, but as I said my main knowledge of Inu-Yasha comes from a few anime episodes and fanfics, so it's to be expected. And once again: ONEGAI REVIEW!!! I'll put up the next chapter if I get 5+ reviews, so if you want to read the rest, review this rather seriously screwed up fic ASAP!!! Ja ne, minna-san! 


	2. IT'S RAMEN! RAMEN! RAMEN!

Chapter 2  
  
Yep, I'm back!!! By the number of reviews, I guess this story isn't very popular, but then, it wasn't meant to be good, I just wanted to grab the idea before anyone else did. So sue me. Oops. I FORGOT THE DISCLAIMER!!! oh well, nevermind, no one will notice, lalala...who am I kidding /starts typing frantically/ Inuyasha is not mine, sob sob, sniffle sniffle, now on with the fic!  
  
/actions/  
  
emphasis  
  
'KYAAAAAAAAAA!!!!'  
  
In the normal order of things in feudal Japan, that scream should have been indicative of some life threatening danger, such as a crazed, obsessed, ravenous youkai.  
  
And it was…in a way.  
  
'INUYASHA!!! Get OFF!!!'  
  
The slavering hanyou took no notice, retaining his perch on Kagome's pack. 'Ooooh! Ramen! Ramenramenramenramen…'  
  
Kagome sighed. 'You could have at least waited until I got OUT of the well!'  
  
She had been pulling herself out of the Bone-Eater's Well when she was suddenly jumped by Inuyasha, who was currently somehow managing to keep hold of her pack with one hand and search inside for ramen (duh!) with the other. The only thing saving them from a painful 'splat' on the bottom of the well was her rapidly numbing fingers clinging to the edge.  
  
Kagome tried one last time to lever herself and the hanyou up and failed.  
  
'Inuyasha? Some help would be nice?'  
  
'Ramenramenramen…'  
  
'I rue the day I ever introduced you to modern food,' Kagome growled. 'Look, if you get off RIGHT NOW I will MAKE you some damn ramen, okay?'  
  
The psychotic demon shot up into the sky happily yelling 'RAMEN!', leaving Kagome to painfully pull herself out.  
  
'My nails are never gonna be the same again,' she moaned. She dug in her pack for the cups of ramen she had scavenged from home.  
  
Inuyasha landed right in front of her, a big grin on his face and drool running down his chin. 'RAMEN!'  
  
'KYAA!!!"  
  
Kagome threw the cooking cup of noodles right at him.  
  
/SPLAT/  
  
'Eheh…sorry, Inuyasha. Reflex.' She waved her hand in front of his face. 'Inuyasha?'  
  
The hanyou just stood there, a blissful smile on his face, noodles in his hair and soup running down the back of his neck. 'Ramen…' he whispered before passing out completely.  
  
'Geez, what got into him?' Kagome wondered, as the rest of the troupe ran towards them, drawn by the noise and shouts of 'RAAAMEEEEN!!!'  
  
'Shippo turned into a giant cup of ramen and followed him around everywhere' Sango said, trying not to laugh. 'I think he was just trying to drive him completely insane…Looks like it worked too well.'  
  
Miroku stared down at the unconscious hanyou. 'Urgh. Did you have to be so drastic, Kagome-sama? He is not a pretty sight.'  
  
'Huh?' Inuyasha blinked and got up unsteadily. 'Who's not a pretty sight? And WHY in HELL am I COVERED in RAMEN?!'  
  
Sesshoumaru watched the little 'ramen drama' unfold before him from the vantage point of an overhanging tree branch, a hint of amusement twitching at the corner of his mouth. He had been observing the troupe of shard- hunters for the last few days, noting meticulously how Inuyasha acted to every member of the group.  
  
'Soon. The time will come soon,' he thought, standing and taking to the air. His masking spell would wear off soon, and he did not relish the thought of another battle with his brother just at the moment. No, first he had to return to Rin and Jaken, and set in place the final foundations for his plan.  
  
Oooo… I wonder what will happen? I'll have the next chapter up really soon (if SOMEBODY will just friggin' review!!!) Arigato to Akari-chan who's been a real lifesaver. Until later! 


	3. The Switch

Chapter 3  
  
Um, well, I promised I'd get it up soon, so what do you expect? Oh yeah, I'm still looking for fansubs but does anyone know where I can get some that take LESS THAN 12 @#!#$^&%$ HOURS TO DOWNLOAD?!!! ANYBODY?!!  
  
Gomen to those who asked, but no, I will not reveal this pairing because I prefer watching you squirm!!! Mwahahaha!!! (Oh, evil evil me, haha)  
  
Disclaimer: All I own right now is a desk full of holiday homework, so sue me and take it all away, onegaaaaaiiiii? (Just kidding. All hail the mighty Takahashi, Goddess of Anime and bishounen half dog-demons! /drool/)  
  
Oh, and tell me if you want this fic, okay? Reviews and requests make me feel so WAFFY! ^^  
  
/actions/  
  
emphasis  
  
Sesshoumaru flew through the air, carrying Rin in his arms, while Jaken scurried through the forest behind them on foot, screaming at the top of his voice: 'SESSHOUMARU-SAMAAA!!! WAIT FOR MEEEEE!!!'  
  
He spotted a village below him. Perfect. Alighting a little back from its borders, he set Rin down.  
  
The little girl looked around, puzzled, 'Why did we stop, Sess-sama?'  
  
'Go to the village, Rin,' Sesshoumaru said, almost gently. 'I have to leave you for a while. The kitsune fur will protect you while I am away.'  
  
'But aren't you gonna come back?' Tears welled up in her eyes.  
  
'Yes. But I have some, ahem 'business' to take care of first.'  
  
'Oh. Okay!' She turned and skipped off down the path.  
  
Sesshoumaru watched her go.  
  
***  
  
'Jaken!' Sesshoumaru called. 'Summon the Oni. We are going to pay my dear brother a little visit.'  
  
'Hai Sesshoumaru-sama!' croaked the toad, a huge grin on his face.  
  
The human brat is gone … and my master is once again a glorious taiyoukai!  
  
'And Jaken…'  
  
'Hai Sesshoumaru-sama?'  
  
'If anything happens to me-'  
  
'Hai Sesshoumaru-sama?'  
  
A smirk curled Sesshoumaru's lips. 'Track down that baboon youkai and slice him into sashimi.'  
  
'Hai Sesshoumaru-sama.'  
  
Flashback  
  
'Truly impressive, Sesshoumaru-sama. You never cease to amaze me,' cackled the toad eyeing the fresh corpses of twenty Nobushi. 'You are powerful indeed!'  
  
'Are you blind or just stupid?' Sesshoumaru seethed. 'All my strength is useless…without the Tetsusaiga!'  
  
He stalked away from the rotting bodies and watched the sunset. 'A way to gain the sword I want…when will I find one that is useful?'  
  
'You seem to be in quite a dilemma, sir.'  
  
'Hm?' Sesshoumaru turned and saw a youkai, clad in baboon skin, sitting in the middle of the path.  
  
Jaken made a strangled sound and hid behind his lord.  
  
'Forgive my rudeness, but you are the elder brother of that accursed Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru-sama, correct?'  
  
'What do you want, bastard?' Sesshoumaru growled.  
  
'Just like you, I am one who despises Inuyasha, and I couldn't help but overhear your conversation…'  
  
'And?'  
  
'Perhaps I can be of assistance. I know of a way that you, a full demon, can wield Tetsusaiga.'  
  
Sesshoumaru considered this for a moment, then nodded. 'I'm listening…'  
  
End Flashback  
  
Inuyasha and his friends were happily eating dinner in Kaede's house when Inuyasha suddenly sat up straight and sniffed. 'Something's wrong…'he growled.  
  
'Eh? What is it?' Kagome asked. Then she too felt something, the energy pulse of strong magic.  
  
'Demon.' breathed Inuyasha. 'Close, too.' Then his eyes widened. 'It's that BASTARD Sesshoumaru!'  
  
They rushed outside to see the hanyou's half brother, riding on his Oni, coming towards them.  
  
'Well, well, little brother.' said Sesshoumaru. 'We meet again.'  
  
'Grrr…' growled said 'little brother'. 'What are you doing here, te-me?'  
  
Sesshoumaru lifted one elegant eyebrow 'Why, I'm here for Tetsusaiga of course. Did you expect a family reunion and a happy picnic by the river?'  
  
'Hah!' Inuyasha barked. 'The sword didn't accept you and never will!'  
  
'Don't be so sure.' Sesshoumaru said calmly. Pulling the kitsune scroll from his robes, he began chanting, a giant ball of ki growing in his hands.  
  
'What in hell-'  
  
The ball of ki, now bigger than the demon lord himself, hovered in the air for a moment before it burst into streamers of ki, turning the field technicolour as they swished around the two dog-demons. Inuyasha began to glow brightly as the sun from the force of the ki, and he screamed in pain.  
  
'INUYASHA!' Kagome tried to run to him, but a barrier held her back.  
  
'You can't stop it now,' grinned Sesshoumaru. 'Nothing can stop it now…'  
  
But Sesshoumaru himself appeared close to exhaustion, his face turning gray. The glow surrounding him suddenly flared, brighter than any light on earth, and then just as suddenly disappeared.  
  
Both demons slumped, unconscious.  
  
'Inuyasha!!!' Kagome ran to his prone body.  
  
'Sesshoumaru-samaa!!!' cried Jaken, near to tears. He whacked the Oni with his staff until it started moving away, with Sesshoumaru's limp form on its shoulder.  
  
Sesshoumaru opened his eyes a little, groggily, and smiled. It has worked…  
  
Okay! Something will actually HAPPEN next chapter, promise! And one last time: REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!!! Okay, I think you get the picture, and suggestions are welcome cos' I'm running out of ideas. 


	4. Kukuku

Chapter 4  
  
YAY!!! Holidays are here!!! Now I have time to sleep in, watch Inuyasha, read, watch Inuyasha, download Inuyasha anime, and watch more Inuyasha…you get the picture.  
  
Inuyasha does not belong to me, but I wish he did! Gimme positive reviews or I might be axing this fic! No flames on threat of continuing it! whispers And always remember the two most important important words in writing Inuyasha fanfiction –  
  
SUUUUGAAAAARRR HIIIIIIIIGHHHH!!!!!!! Or maybe just complete insanity.  
  
Most of this chapter is straight out of the anime, but I've changed it enough to make life interesting.  
  
'Ungh,' Inuyasha groaned. He tried to move, but gave it up as his muscles forcibly reminded him that they were on strike. He hurt in places he didn't even know could hurt.  
  
What happened? he wondered dazedly. Oh, yeah…big brother attacked us again…  
  
He became aware of a small hand dabbing something cool against his forehead. He smiled inwardly. Kagome.  
  
Well, since he was in this position anyway, he might as well relax and take advantage of the care she was administering right now. He opened golden eyes slightly, hoping to see her familiar face and radiant smile hovering over him.  
  
Jaken's green, warty, face was NOT what he had expected to see.  
  
'Ah, you're finally awake My Lo-'  
  
'AAAAHHHHH!!!!' screamed Inuyasha, pounding the toad several feet into the ground before pain reasserted itself. When he was able to move again, he got up more cautiously. He felt a slight twinge of vertigo as he stood up, feeling strangely unbalanced. Everything seemed…much farther below him than usual.  
  
'What the hell is going on…'he started to say, brushing his hair back from his face with one hand. He froze. That hand was clawed, just like his, but it was too slender, the nails too sharp, and two red stripes ran diagonally across it.  
  
'No…' He half-walked, half-stumbled to the pool nearby, almost falling in. At first, all he saw was a faint impression of golden eyes and silver hair in between the ripples, and he relaxed, reassured. But as the waters stilled, he saw his face clearer.  
  
'No…' he moaned. His hand traced the purple crescent on his forehead and the two red stripes on each of his cheeks. 'No…'  
  
This face…is not mine.  
  
He collapsed on the rocks surrounding the pool.  
  
This face…is Sesshoumaru's  
  
/Flashback/  
  
'It is no ordinary kitsune spell. With this spell, you will be able to wield the Tetsusaiga that Inuyasha possesses.' said the strange youkai.  
  
'How?' asked Sesshoumaru, half sceptical yet wanting it to be true.  
  
'I have heard that the Tetsusaiga was made in order to protect humans. In other words, it is a sword that full youkai such as yourself cannot even touch.'  
  
'True.'  
  
'But humans cannot invoke the sword's power either…' noted the figure. 'Only a hanyou – a combination of the two races – can do that. And for your father's sword, the hanyou must be of his blood.'  
  
'So how can I use Tetsusaiga?'  
  
'The masked figure chuckled. 'You must become a hanyou.'  
  
'NANI?!' Sesshoumaru shrieked and swiped his claws through the baboon pelt, only to find it empty.  
  
'Only temporarily,' said the youkai, materializing behind him.  
  
'How will that help me?!'  
  
'The Tetsusaiga is attuned not only to its true master's blood, but to his soul as well,' explained the youkai. 'If your soul enters Inuyasha's body for a while, it will become attuned to your soul as well, and will remain so when you return to your body. Then the sword will accept you as its master, though you are full youkai. This spell will enable you to make the switch to him and back, but once only, and only if he is within the three metre range of the spell.'  
  
'What if he isn't?'  
  
The figure was silent for a while before speaking. 'You will be trapped in that body forever…or switched with whoever else is in range, with no return.'  
  
'But if I am careful, and this succeeds, Tetsusaiga will be mine,' Sesshoumaru said, almost to himself.  
  
'That is correct.'  
  
Eyes narrowed faintly in suspicion, Sesshoumaru inspected the stranger. 'Give me your name,' he ordered at last.  
  
'Naraku…is what I am called.'  
  
'Naraku, huh?' Sesshoumaru said. 'I'll remember that.'  
  
He leapt into the air in pursuit of the kitsune Naraku had informed him held the spell. From high in the air, he barely heard the faint sound of evil laughter.  
  
'Kukuku…'  
  
/End flashback/  
  
Okay! All the background's finally done! Now we can get onto the ACTION!!! Be afraid… be very afraid… 


	5. The Life of Fluffy and Fuzzy Ears

Chapter 5  
  
Oooo….Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha have switched bodies cackle Am I evil or what? And I just found out that although I actually started writing on this idea first, someone beat me to the action slightly sulk on the other hand, their story's slightly different, so I guess I'm the first after all!!! And I have another twisted fanfic idea coming up very soon!!! Mwahahahaha!!! Um…my evil laughter needs practice…maybe I should take Naraku's 'Kukuku'ing classes? No? Oh well… Inuyasha belongs to Kagome, who belongs to Takahashi-san. Any questions?  
  
'Sesshoumaru-sama, are sure you're all right?'  
  
'I'm FINE.'  
  
'But you look ill…let you faithful Jaken help you…'  
  
'I said I'm FINE!!!' growled Inuyasha for the twentieth time. He was beginning to understand why his brother was always in such a homicidal frame of mind.  
  
Nevertheless, he had to admit that being his much-loathed brother was presenting other difficulties – apart from the emotional ones.  
  
There was the added height, for one thing. He hadn't really appreciated the difference until a tree branch he would have just missed in his normal body hit him straight in the face. He had had to sit down until the little birdies flying round his head got bored and popped back into hammerspace.  
  
Then there was the tail. He'd had a lot of trouble balancing with it's added weight on his shoulder. And Jaken hovering like an anxious mother hen – a green, plucked, bug-eyed mother hen - every time he stumbled was not improving his temper.  
  
On the other hand…  
  
He was a full youkai, something he'd wanted for most of his short (by demons' terms) life. The heightening of his senses was almost intoxicating. He could run faster, smell better, see clearer, and was undeniably much, much stronger.  
  
A little voice in the back of his head whispered that he could stay like this, stay a full youkai, and fulfil even his wildest dreams. He didn't need the others any more. As a full demon, he didn't need the Shikon no Tama. The voice was promptly stamped on by the rest of his brain, which pointed out that Sesshoumaru was in his body doing who-knows what to Kagome and the others, which he would be undoubtedly be blamed (and 'sat') for. Moreover, he was sworn to protect them, after all, they were his friends. Oh, added his brain, and Kagome is the only source of ramen in this time…  
  
Inuyasha mentally gave in, leaving the little voice as a metaphorical bloody pulp on the floor of his skull.  
  
Anyway, Sesshoumaru can't plan on keeping my 'worthless hanyou' body forever he mused. When I'm me and he's him again, I am going to bash seven kinds of SHIT out of him! A large, predatorial grin spread over his face.  
  
'Sesshoumaru-sama, you really are not well,' said Jaken in distress. 'You are not yourself today.'  
  
Inuyasha's eye twitched. What was he supposed to say? Yes, actually, I am not myself because I'm NOT F***ING ME!  
  
'Are you certain that you are all right?'  
  
That did it. Inuyasha finally snapped.  
  
/BASHBASHBASH/  
  
The sounds of Inuyasha's fist on Jaken's skull scared most of the nearby animals away.  
  
'STOP…SAYING…THAT!!!.'  
  
'Ah, Sesshoumaru-sama,' croaked Jaken happily. 'Good to…see you….back to normaaal…'  
  
The toad fainted face down in the dirt.  
  
Inuyasha shook his head in disbelief. 'Sesshoumaru must be even more psychotic than I thought,' he muttered. He leapt into a nearby tree to wait for the warty youkai to regain consciousness and contemplate various ways he could dismember his brother once he was back to normal.  
  
***  
  
Sesshoumaru sat on the porch outside Kaede's house, waiting for Kagome to return through the Bone-Eaters' Well.  
  
Despite the fact that he felt like his head was stuck in a wet paper bag, Sesshoumaru was very happy. Kagome had fussed over him for the last two hours before suddenly remembering that she had a mock high school exam and rushing for the well. She had been mildly surprised that Sesshoumaru hadn't chased after her yelling 'GET BACK HERE!!!' but had eventually put it down to shock.  
  
As soon as Kagome had left, a hysterical, crying Shippo had thrown himself at Sesshoumaru's feet and apologized repeatedly for teasing him (as a giant ramen cup), gnawing on his head, throwing foxfire at him, pulling his ears – er, well, let's just call it a general apology for his brattishness.  
  
Of course, there was a catch…  
  
'Inuyasha!' Kaede creaked out of her house.  
  
Sesshoumaru sighed. Oh, yes…The ancient miko had been pouring foul-tasting (even to a hanyou's senses) potions down his throat all day in an effort to diagnose what 'his brother' had done to him.  
  
'Don't make that face, Inuyasha. Just drink the potion.' Kaede proffered a black bottle with noxious yellow vapours leaking from the top.  
  
Sesshoumaru sighed yet again and obediently drank the potion. It tasted even viler than he remembered, and it took all his self-control to keep his gag reflex down.  
  
'Are you all right, Inuyasha?' asked Kaede with slight concern  
  
Sesshoumaru smiled and nodded. In defiance of the statement, his face was turning a very interesting shade of green.  
  
'Oh, well, if you're sure…' Kaede turned around and ambled slowly out of sight.  
  
Sesshoumaru watched her slowly retreating and willed her to move faster. As soon as the curtain over her door flapped closed, he leapt up and ran for the woods.  
  
He made it about halfway before retching up most of the potion.  
  
'Inuyasha, you look awful,' said Sango in concern, coming up.  
  
Wonderfully astute, human female Sesshoumaru thought grimly. What came out was more on the lines of 'hack, hack cough wheeze'  
  
'Never mind. Kagome left some ramen for you, that should cheer you up, huh?' asked Sango in an irritatingly cheerful tone.  
  
'I do not eat human food!' yelled Sesshoumaru before cursing himself for his knee-jerk response. 'I mean, Oh. Yes. Ramen. Ramen. Ramen. Hooray.'  
  
Ten minutes later, he was en route to the woods yet again, this time to disgorge about six cups of ramen.  
  
'Gods, how can my brother EAT that stuff?' wondered Sesshoumaru. He growled slightly. Normally, he would have liked nothing better than to kill all of Inuyasha's little friends, but when he'd tried to draw Tetsusaiga his hand blistered and burned like before.  
  
'So I'm stuck protecting these stupid humans until the sword is properly attuned to me,' he thought in frustration.  
  
Even worse than that was the fact that if he met his brother, he would be unable to fight him. Sesshoumaru had no intention of remaining a hanyou, so while Inuyasha was in his body, Sesshoumaru could not lay a finger on him. Inuyasha, on the other hand, had always wanted to be a full youkai, and could stay that way if he killed Sesshoumaru.  
  
My hands are f***ing tied behind my back thought Sesshoumaru. For the first time in my life, I'm almost totally defenceless.  
  
Review, pleeease? Or I will do something drastic next chapter!!! Oh yeah, Sess found out who Naraku is from the team. 


	6. Attack of the Fuzz

Chapter 6  
  
AN: sniff sniff No one's reviewing my fic! sob It makes me really sad suddenly stops crying Well, I guess I'll just have to take more drastic action evil grin Oh, Fluffy-chaaaann! Could you come over here for a moment, pretty please? snickers and hides VERY LARGE pair of scissors behind back.  
  
/Ten seconds later…/  
  
Fluffy: AAAAAHHH!!! NOT THE TAIL!!! NOT THE TAIIILL!!!!!!  
  
Kat: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! snipsnipsnip  
  
Fluffy: AAAAAAHHHH!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REVIEW THIS THING BEFORE SHE GETS MY TAIIILLLL!!!!  
  
Fangirls around the world gasp, shriek and faint  
  
Fluffy: I'll - I'LL GIVE THE FIRST REVIEWER A HUG! Just GET HER OFF OF ME!!! She's gone F***ING PSYCHO!!!  
  
Kat: I write maniacal laughter, of course I'm psycho!!!  
  
Fluffy: Huh? You're coherent!  
  
Kat: That's so I can explain how fic writers go psychotic from lack of reviews. resumes chasing Fluffy  
  
'I'm baaaack!' called Kagome from the depths of the well. She clambered out slowly, bringing her enormous pack with her.  
  
'Sorry I had to leave you, Inuyasha, but this test was really important, and – Inuyasha?' She waved a hand in front of the hanyou's face. 'Hello? Anyone home?'  
  
Sesshoumaru sat by the well glassy-eyed. He had intended to take out a little of his frustration by yelling 'Feh! Bitch!' in Inuyasha's customary manner, but his vocal cords seemed to have tied themselves into knots. All that came out was a strangled 'Aaaargh.'  
  
He recognized what it was now, though. Kagome's smell had changed. It was different, more enticing….  
  
Sesshoumaru smiled inwardly. So, Inuyasha's human wench is in heat, eh? This might be interesting…  
  
'Inuyasha,' said Kagome in concern 'you're drooling.'  
  
Sesshoumaru snapped himself out of his reverie. 'It's nothing!' he barked. 'Just leave me alone!'  
  
Kagome frowned. 'Geez, I was only trying to help!' she muttered before flouncing off.  
  
Sesshoumaru watched her go. Oh, yes…this would definitely be fun.  
  
To relieve his sense of helplessness, he'd bashed Shippo until Sango had hit him over the head with Hiraikotsu and Miroku had threatened to sic the Air Rip on him. He had been sulking and 'licking his wounds' by the well until Kagome had returned.  
  
She made a tempting target, he mused. Even weaker and more defenceless than he was, yet oh-so-trusting that her beloved Inuyasha would protect her. He chuckled. He loved finding ways to inflict pain on his little brother…  
  
***  
  
That night, after everyone was asleep, Kagome wandered off into the forest to do her 'business' before settling down for the night. Sesshoumaru followed her like a shadow, silent and noiseless.  
  
When they were far enough away from the village, he stepped an some leaves with an audible crackle. She turned and looked around.  
  
'Inuyasha? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!'  
  
Sesshoumaru merely stepped towards her, a look of bestial lust on his face.  
  
'I-Inuyasha?' said Kagome, looking a little more afraid. 'W-what are you doing?'  
  
Sesshoumaru kept advancing.  
  
'Oh, no…SIT!!! SITSITSITSITSITSITSITSIT!!!!'  
  
The barrage of 'sits' had no effect on Sesshoumaru, but the faintest possible glow of power surrounded the rosary.  
  
Kagome screamed 'HELP!!! SANGO! SHIPPO! MIROKU! ANYBODY!!!-mph'  
  
Sesshoumaru crash-tackled her, knocking the wind out of her lungs. He grinned in a Miroku-esque manner and lifted himself up a little to survey the helpless girl.  
  
He had grievously underestimated Kagome.  
  
As soon as he took his weight off her, Kagome kneed him in the groin hard. Sesshoumaru yelped and fell over whimpering 'owowowooohbugger' while Kagome scrambled up and ran for the camp.  
  
It took all of Sesshoumaru's speed and resource to reach the village before her and feign sleep. Kagome, disheveled and panting, arrived and shouted 'MINNA! GET UP! NARAKU'S IN THE FOREST!!!'  
  
NARAKU?!!! Sesshoumaru fell out of his tree. She thought he was NARAKU?!!  
  
'He tried to trick me by turning into Inuyasha but I knew it wasn't Inuyasha because Inuyasha would never try to attack me and the rosary didn't work when I tried to sit him and he-'  
  
'Calm down, Kagome-sama,' said Miroku. 'Just breathe slowly and tell us all about it.'  
  
Sesshoumaru was caught halfway between anger and relief. At least she hadn't suspected the truth. On the other hand, he hadn't even managed to antagonize his brother.  
  
Oh, well he thought. At least Inuyasha doesn't know…  
  
***  
  
Inuyasha was napping in his tree when a glow of power ringed his neck and Kagome's voice screeched in his ear: 'SIT!!! SITSITSITSITSITSITSITSIT!!!!'  
  
'AAARGH!!!" he yelled as he was dragged out of the tree and bashed repeatedly against the ground.  
  
'Oooh…F***ing five hells…' he moaned once the barrage had finally stopped. He peeled himself off the ground.  
  
He was not a happy youkai.  
  
What were those flashes of visions that I saw while I was being sat? he wondered. It looked like me…I was attacking… His eyes widened. 'Sesshoumaru's attacked Kagome!' he snarled. 'The bastard…I'll make him PAY!!!'  
  
He kicked Jaken awake. 'Get up, toad. We're going to pay my dear brother a visit.'  
  
'Hai Sesshoumaru-sama!' Jaken grinned  
  
OK, I sort of promised my friends I wouldn't do Sess/Kag fics, but hey, Inu- chan's gotta have a good reason to fight Sesshoumaru in the next chapter, doesn't he? 


	7. FIGHT!

Chapter 7  
  
Kat crawls across the ground, dragging Fluffy by his tail, Fluffy's claws leaving furrows in the ground  
  
Kat: Reviews…gaspmust…have…reviews….  
  
Fluffy:…  
  
Kat: kicks him whispers Act up, baka!  
  
Fluffy: I refuse to debase myself by pleading for a human.  
  
Kat: brings out scissors  
  
Fluffy: looking nervous Pleasewritereviewsforthisficbeforeshekillsmytail.  
  
Kat: Much better. drags Fluffy off  
  
Kaede was worried. The group had left this morning to hunt down Naraku, before she had had a chance to tell them what she feared. Now, it might already be too late.  
  
She only had one way to contact them now. Taking a messenger bird belonging to one of the villagers, she wrote something on a piece of parchment which she tied to the bird's leg.  
  
She reached into its mind with her power. 'Seek out Kagome…' she whispered, then let it fly off into the clear blue sky of Feudal Japan.  
  
***  
  
The group was eating lunch not far from a small human settlement when an angry voice rang out: 'SESSHOUMARU!'  
  
It was Inuyasha's voice.  
  
'What the hell was that?' wondered Sango, her hand closing around Hiraikotsu.  
  
Inuyasha pushed through the last of the surrounding bushes and snarled at Sesshoumaru: 'You bastard…Attacking MY Kagome!'  
  
'Ah, brother dear, you've finally turned up.' said Sesshoumaru coolly.  
  
'I am going to RIP you LIMB FROM LIMB!!!' howled Inuyasha in rage. He saw the humans advancing towards them and whirled. 'Stay out of this, Kagome! This is MY fight.'  
  
'Then let us begin.' said Sesshoumaru, drawing the Tetsusaiga.  
  
The battle began immediately, with the two half-brothers twisting and turning like snakes to the accompanying sound of claws on steel.  
  
'What's going on?' yelled Miroku over the din. 'Since when has Inuyasha been this cool in a fight? Or Sesshoumaru this hot-headed!'  
  
'No matter WHAT that bastard says, we'll have to help Inuyasha,' said Sango, lifting Hiraikotsu.  
  
Kagome was about to reply when Kaede's messenger bird suddenly landed on her shoulder. She quickly untied the scroll attached to its leg and it flew off once again.  
  
'What is it?' asked Sango nervously, glancing over her shoulder at the youkai fight.  
  
'It's from Kaede-san,' said Kagome. 'And…'  
  
She faltered as the characters glowed with power and twisted themselves into new contortions. When they had finished, she saw what looked like a mini-TV screen staring up at her from the parchment, with Kaede's face framed in it.  
  
'Kagome, there's something I need to tell you!' she said urgently. 'Inuyasha is not in his own body any more!'  
  
'NANI?!' yelled everyone.  
  
'Sesshoumaru has exchanged Inuyasha's soul with his own! In Inuyasha's body, he can use Tetsusaiga, and it will attune to his natural body when he returns!'  
  
'How did you find this out?' asked Kagome in confusion.  
  
'Two things. One, it was Sesshoumaru in Inuyasha's body who attacked you last night, Kagome, but when you tried to 'sit' him, since the rosary binds the soul rather than the body, it was whatever body Inuyasha's soul was in that was 'sat' and Sesshoumaru remained unhurt. That's also why Inuyasha can travel through the well.'  
  
'What's the second thing?'  
  
Kaede smiled. 'Inuyasha would never have drunk all those emetics I brewed for him.' She hesitated, then added: 'He, er, used to help Kikyo-oneesama prepare them.'  
  
'What can we do to help him?'  
  
'Nothing. Just don't get involved – on EITHER side. Inuyasha's right, Kagome – this is his fight, and his alone.'  
  
So it's short and sucky. I typed this between two major assignments, whaddya expect?  
  
In case you didn't know, an emetic is this stuff which makes you throw up.  
  
Oh, and next chapter is the last one. Promise. So please review now? Please? puppy eyes and save the tail!!! does the Victory pose Mwahahaha!!!! 


	8. Return

Last chapter sniff sniff …not that anyone except Fluffy tail-lovers will really care.  
  
In the nearby village, the sounds of a youkai battle had made most of the peasants flee or barricade themselves in their homes.  
  
But one little girl just sat in the middle of the street, among all the deserted treasures and belongings.  
  
She saw a figure leap high into the air, saw the fluffy white tail trailing behind it.  
  
A look of pure happiness spread over her face, and she grinned a gap- toothed grin. 'Sesshoumaru-sama!' she shouted, and ran towards the battlefield.  
  
***  
  
'Damn you, Sesshoumaru,' shouted Inuyasha, contorting Sesshoumaru's perfect face with hate. 'Give me back MY sword and MY body!'  
  
'Dear, dear,' sneered Sesshoumaru. 'Since you beg so, I shall. A runt like you is unworthy to be a full youkai.'  
  
He threw the Tetsusaiga at Inuyasha. 'Take the sword.' For when we regain our bodies, 'I' shall be holding it…  
  
Inuyasha charged at Sesshoumaru, brandishing the Tetsusaiga, while Sesshoumaru began to recite the words of the returning spell. The ball of ki in his hands grew bigger and bigger, but as Inuyasha came into range and he recited the final words…  
  
A tiny girl ran in between the two youkai. 'Sesshoumaru-sama!!!'  
  
And Sesshoumaru's eyes grew wide with dismay.  
  
'RIN!!!'  
  
KA-BOOOM  
  
***  
  
After the ki blast had dissipated, Kagome ran over to Inuyasha's body. 'INUYASHA!!!'  
  
'Ungh…' groaned Inuyasha in pain.  
  
'SIT!'  
  
Inuyasha was pushed another inch deeper into the ground. He came up spitting dirt, and spitting mad.  
  
'splutter, cough Dammit, Kagome! What did you do that fo-'  
  
Kagome glomped him happily. 'It's really you!' she wailed. 'Are you okay?'  
  
'Yeah, I'm all right.' he said. 'What about Sesshoumaru? Is he conscious yet?'  
  
'No.'  
  
'Good.' He walked over to Sesshoumaru's unconscious body and retrieved Tetsusaiga. He kicked the body. 'Bastard.'  
  
'Don't tell me you're going to kill him while he's unconscious!' exclaimed Kagome in horror.  
  
'Nah,' shrugged Inuyasha. 'I have a feeling that he's got something even worse coming to him.' He grinned and Kagome looked at him suspiciously.  
  
'Come on, let's get back to Kaede's,' he addressed the troupe. 'This day's pretty much shot to hell for shard-hunting.'  
  
And they lived happily ever after…Or at least until Kagome remembered her maths test.  
  
***  
  
Sesshoumaru groaned as he slowly awoke. He hurt all over, even worse than last time. He saw the familiar shape of his own hand beside him and smiled in success. Next time he got his hands on Tetsusaiga, it would be his.  
  
He tried to move his arm, but although he was certain he was moving it, it did not budge so much as an inch.  
  
For a moment, he panicked that he was paralyzed, but stabs of pain all over his body convinced him otherwise.  
  
He got up slowly, the world spinning around him. He had done it! He was safely back!  
  
Then as the world settled down, he realized with dread that he was looking at things from a much lower perspective. Fearing what he might see, he turned around slowly –  
  
- only to see HIMSELF lying on the grass.  
  
And then, finally, he looked down at himself.  
  
'AAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!'  
  
***  
  
Jaken was chasing after his lord when he heard a scream. It sounded familiar, and he followed it to a large, sunny meadow.  
  
There was both his Lord Sesshoumaru and the human brat.  
  
'Rin' was alternately weeping and bashing her head against a tree trunk, while his lord was dancing in among the wildflowers. Jaken blinked. Sesshoumaru had half of the flowers in the meadow tangled in his hair, several posies in his hands, a big, happy, but no longer gap-toothed grin on the part of his face not covered in dirt, and – horror of horrors – had plaited his tail into hundreds upon hundreds of frizzy white braids, each with a tiny pink ribbon on the end.  
  
'Oooh, Jaken-san!' said his lord happily. 'I'll put some flowers on you to make you look pretty!'  
  
And Sesshoumaru proceeded to stuff posies into Jaken's ears, nose and mouth.  
  
Far away, Inuyasha's youkai senses heard the hysterical crying, screams, and maniacal giggles of the trio. He sniggered into his bowl of miso soup. Revenge was sweet.  
  
  
  
Okay! All done! If you didn't see that coming … you must REVIEW!!!! If you did….review TWICE!!!!! I have another fic coming up soon, also starring Fluffy, but not quite so degrading!  
  
Fluffy: sob YOU BITCH! blows his nose on his kimono HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?  
  
Kat: Because I wanted to.  
  
Fluffy: Oh. stops crying Can you let my tail go now, please?  
  
Kat: Of course!  
  
Fluffy: Really?  
  
Kat: No. It's too nice and fluffy. I think I'll keep you!!!  
  
Fluffy: sweatdrops  
  
Fangirls: stampede YOU NO HURT FLUFFY-CHAN!!!!!  
  
Kat: trampled on floor Gak.  
  
Fangirls: YAAAYY!!! run off carrying Sesshoumaru  
  
Sesshoumaru: preens Yes, it is only proper that I, Sesshoumaru, should be adored by so many.  
  
Random Fangirl: Yeah! Now WE get to keep you!!!!  
  
Sess: NOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo……..trails off as the fangirls carry him away 


	9. SHOUT OUTS!

Chapter 9..sorta ^^  
  
A/N: Okay, I kept meaning to do this but I kept forgetting, and then exams started! AAAAHHH!!! Get away you evil twisted maths papers! torches them Anyway, now that's over with, I FINALLY get a chance to say a big thankies to all those who reviewed my pathetic little fic!  
  
A/N 2: I know this is like the second time I've posted this chapter, but I got some more reviews and wanted to say THANK YOU to all you pplz who reviewed. INUYASHA RULES!  
  
Aaaand.. in first place is..JEZUNYA, with six, yes SIX, reviews! (Hey, out of 35, that's not bad!) THANK YOU! And you said my fic was cool! Luv ya! And no, this is not a Sess/Kag.eeww. I know he's kinda cute, but.well, the thought of that pairing just gives me the creeps. And Inu-chan's cuter anyway, no da!  
  
Next. Youkai and SR Silverhawk, with three reviews apiece! Youkai: THANK YOU for your reviews!!! although they all look. oddly similar. Oh well, thank you anyway for being my FIRST reviewer! (And my second ... and my third.) SR Silverhawk: Yes' I've read 'The Switch' (and loved it too, I may add) Umm. Sess doesn't know who Naraku really is yet, so he hasn't met Goshinki and therefore doesn't have Toukijin. so I guess he's just using a regular katana.(I have to start checking out these plotholes ) And no, Sess-chan can't change back, read chapter 4 for details, and anyway he was using demon ki both times, so he's kinda stuck. Permanently!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
And now we have . Bel-chan, Serrilryan and Cherokey, with 2 reviews! Bel-chan - You LIKE my fic? bursts into Soun Tendo happy tears Oh, and sorry, I've already docked Fluffy-chan's tail. grins I got a hundred bucks for it on the black market.(Just joking! Really!) Serrilryan - Yes, a lot of people seemed to like the part where Inuyasha went 'Ramenramenramen.' Would you believe it was not my intention to be funny?.No, probably not. It was half an hour of pure fluff (as in cotton- candy-high-on-sugar fluff) when I was meant to be studying. What the hell, it was worth it! Cherokey - No, you may NOT steal Fluffy! (Cause I already gave him to some rabid fangirls.) I may write a sequel, but writing must be fuelled by reviews! (hint, hint)  
  
And now, most of the other people who reviewed. Tori no Tsubasa, Tamysan, Voldersnort, Steph, SD Tenshi, Inuki, Ishi, IC Dragons, Umm, Amy Lin, Senay, Chris-san, Ash-chan, Nizuno Mikomi, I LUV INUYASHA, Rachel, Akari RNK and San, all of whom reviewed once! I'm too lazy to do all these, so I'll just say: THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! And especially to Akari RNK.Akari knows why.  
  
Also, to velvet twilight - Nooo! Your poor kitty! O_O oh well, maybe if you ask Rin-chan nicely enough (and give her some candy!) she'll lend you Tenseiga! Silver Foxglove - Yes, it IS an evil ending, but while Sess-chan is cute, his evilness makes him less cute than Inu! So he gets the evil ending! Cassandra Sisenta - To quote Rin: 'Torturing? Rin wasn't torturing Jaken- sama! Rin was giving him a makeover!' Archaic Tears and Cherokey - You like my fic? WHOOHOO!!!! TAKE THAT, OH LITTLE-SISTER-OF-MINE-WHO-SAID-MY-FIC-WAS-STUPID!  
  
REVIEW!!!!! And I may be inspired to write my next fic faster! It will be Fluffy x Original Character, but don't groan yet! It has a twist! A very large, evil,..twisted twist. (What? There's only so many words in my vocabulary, and English isn't my first language anyway!) Curious? THEN REVIEW, FELLOW INUYASHIANS! FIC AUTHORS BREATHE IN REVIEWS AND EXHALE FICS!!!!!!!  
  
O_O that was weird. well, please review anyways. Much thankies! ^_^ 


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